{Girl Behind The Lens} Where have my friends gone?

No-one tells you how lovely being Self Employed can become. The times that you are working so many hours a day not finishing work until late, running around doing everything and trying to keep everyone happy. And who else is there to hold your hand? No-one.

Yes we all have supportive family and friends, but who really knows what its like? I’ve spoken to so many people on twitter and face book but nothing is REAL.



So many people who have sat and said “we’ll get together, you’ll have more time” when in fact I don’t. Some friends understand this, don’t get annoyed when I don’t see them for 4 weeks but they manage to steal an hour with me every now and again. Some I wont see for months but will email me religiously every day. But then there are the friends. The ones you used to see weekly. Used to text and call all the time, and suddenly you don’t have time for them anymore, and its your fault. When in fact they don’t even bother to get in touch with you.

Its that time that friends become clients and clients become friends and I love it. I just have no clear definition anymore.

I used to have a best friend (I used to have a couple) people I could run and tell everything to. And now? I have “good friends” I don’t know if its my age (i'm getting old now i'm 27) or the fact that people just grow up and move on. Grow apart and then you can suddenly just count your close friends on one hand.

Theres people I miss. I miss a lot. Mainly due to difference of opinions, or them not realising that running a business is hard. It takes a lot of time. And we don’t have the free time we used to have.

When I used to work a 9-5 (seriously how many jobs are even 9-5 anymore?) I used to have extra disposable income, I used to spend evenings with friends, I used to try and do things on a weekend. But my friends were single. I was single, they had no kids. We all have to grow change and adapt.

I look at the way I use social media. Im so sociable with my clients. And try and be with friends. They’re all on face book, twitter, blog etc. And yet I’m reduced to finding out abut their lives through this media, because I hardly see them. I miss them. I don’t hardly have any phone contact with them.

Its sad. Sad because whilst my life is going in one direction. I’m moving in with my boyfriend. I’m happy. The business is growing. Friends are getting married, having babies and suddenly everyone has different priorities and experiences. And I feel that Im missing out on A LOT. I try and make time but our calenders never are right.

The reasons I’m so lovely, are through several reasons if I listen to some not-so-close friends.

1. The Boyfriend.
Having a boyfriend instantly means inaccessible to my friends. It means that they don’t get in touch with me as much anymore as they instantly think that I’ll be too busy seeing the boyfriend. In fact I see James 2-3 hours (sometimes less) per night. I get to his. I wake him up. I cook tea. We watch TV. He showers, makes his lunch and I take him to work. He works nights. Permenantly. I don’t get to see him any other time and when I am doing Full Day Weddings, it also means I don’t get to see him. AT ALL. As he doesn’t drive, if I don’t see him and he has to catch the bus to work, he has a quick bus, that runs on the hour and takes 20 minutes, and he has the slow bus that takes 45minutes to get him to work and comes at half past. If he is working at 10pm, he has to be on the 9pm bus.

2. I know how busy you are.
I love this excuse “but I know how busy you are so that is why I don’t email/text/call” I mean seriously. Im not that busy not to answer a message. Or reply to an email. Or ring you back. I have some people (work related) that call me 3-4 times a DAY and I always answer their calls. If I don’t get I will leave a message and try and call again. If you don’t try and call me. How the HELL am I even meant to speak with you?

3. But I put it on face book!
This is another one of my favourite things. Especially when I find out something that I didn’t know. And they reply “but I put it on face book” or alternatively “did you not see it on face book” or “but you’re always on face book I thought you had seen it” Facebook, like now, is on in the background of my computer whilst I write this. I do not have any sound on the computer, as I very rarely do, and I am not looking. I have about 1500+ “friends” on face book I use it a lot for business. I don’t see every status that someone puts. If its that important, tell me in person. If you want me to know, ring me. Text me. Email me!


I mean I know its not just their fault. Ive stopped trying with people who’ve made no effort to maintain and build a relationship with me. Simple things like a text once a month, an email or even writing on my face book wall.

Someone once told me that I had become a lot more ruthless since running a business. Its not that at all I just wont take as much crap as I used to do. I refuse to be walked over. Whether its expressing an opinion or removing friends from my life. (Wouldn’t it be easy if we could delete people in life like we do on face book) The friends that were all take take take ive removed from my life. I got sick of dropping everything for them. Because I did. I am, was, very much a friend orientated person….however I learnt what people can be like, that some people are selfish, and some people just want you for what you do, or who you know, and nothing other than that.

James has a close set of friends that he’s had throughout his life. I hardly do.

My set of friends are as follows:
Amy, Leonie, Lianne, Ryan and Tracey. Those are my close friends. And Ryan is the only one I see with any regularity. And Leonie I've known from School, but only got friends with her properly in College. Around the same time I met Tracey and Ryan. Then Amy came next then Lianne.

It then leads to Michelle, Catriona, Laura, Kellie, Paul… The other closer friends whom I speak with regularly, but not regular enough. Most don’t live local at all.

And then the rest of friends, which are clients that have turned into friends, or friends which have turned into clients. And people from Photography. Which I can name Hannah, Dawn and Maria who I now class as friends rather than just photography friends.

Its just hard. Soon I’m going to be running a business. Running a house. Keeping my relationship strong with James as dynamics are going to change and then try and keep friendships going.

And its so lonely…where have my friends gone?