{Girl Behind The Lens Blog} The Baby Boom

It would seem that somewhere along the line it feels like 2011 is a Baby Boom year, not as much as say 1983/4 but somewhere along the lines.

I was discussing this last night with my Pregnant-And-9-Days-To-Go Friend, and I pointed out about there being a recession, people not having much money and staying in and creating their own fun. Whether planned or not.

Then she pointed one thing out that I hadn’t thought about. The Weather.
Earlier this year, most of the country had the Big Freeze. And Freeze it was. Stupid amounts of snow. People stranded. And 9months later, a lot of people are expecting babies. My Pregnant-And-9-Days-To-Go Friend assures me that her impending baby isn’t due to The Big Freeze, but just after it.

Then conversation, as with most people turn around to “when is it your turn” however, the people that generally do not ask this are the people who know about the Endometriosis, and the apparent affect it can have on fertility. Both my Pregnant-And-9-Days-To-Go Friend and a few of my other close friends all know what its like trying to conceive when you are faced with barriers, such as Endometriosis, PCOS and Low Sperm Count. And sometimes….the entire THREE of them hit upon the same person.

I remember growing up and being “I want my own house, to be married and have babies by the time I’m 25” it wasn’t a plan. It wasn’t a dream. It was a given. My mum married at 21 and had me 2 weeks before her 25^th birthday. Surely that’s how it should be? Apparently not.

21 came and went with a boyfriend that I loved. By 22 I was single pretty much sworn off men forever. I dated. I had casual relationships and now I am with James. We are moving in together and are happy and in love. We have discussed our want of 2-Children (I’m an only child and hated it! If you are not an only child you do not realise how lonely it is). However then comes the subject of timing.

There are things to consider. I for one when setting up the business didn’t realise how little time I would have. If planned correctly and at a time I am ready, I could work a baby around the jobs that I do. But not for next year. Next year to me is too early to even think about having a baby.

We know (or at least I know) that people are going to start asking about Babies and Weddings as soon as we are living together. I am happy in the commitment that James is giving to me by us moving in together and I am in no rush to move on for babies.

With currently as I write this 26 Weddings booked in for next year, I don’t have the time, to make babies let alone have them! (Or as I’ve said before “pop them out”).

As I’ve got older my need to have a child, RIGHT NOW is not as strong as it used to be. I do want a child, that’s not something I will give up on wanting. But if someone said right this minute, I’d panic. Like HELL.

The other problem I have is the issue with the Endometriosis, and the issues that it can have on the conceiving. And the stress and pressure given by the Consultant about having a baby before they can really give anymore treatment. I mean seriously. I need to bring a life into this world, before I am ready to make myself better? If that’s professional advice I’m not sure what is.

It will happen when I’m ready. Its just hard to look at life and the people surrounding you that are all having babies and wonder…”why aren’t I there yet” then I look around at my business and the not very tidy office that surrounds me and I think. It’s because I’m too busy!

It will happen when we are ready. Whether that’s in 5-years or 15-years (latter is exaggerating!) so please don’t ask me when I plan to add my baby into the mix....

{Girl Behind The Lens} Where have my friends gone?

No-one tells you how lovely being Self Employed can become. The times that you are working so many hours a day not finishing work until late, running around doing everything and trying to keep everyone happy. And who else is there to hold your hand? No-one.

Yes we all have supportive family and friends, but who really knows what its like? I’ve spoken to so many people on twitter and face book but nothing is REAL.



So many people who have sat and said “we’ll get together, you’ll have more time” when in fact I don’t. Some friends understand this, don’t get annoyed when I don’t see them for 4 weeks but they manage to steal an hour with me every now and again. Some I wont see for months but will email me religiously every day. But then there are the friends. The ones you used to see weekly. Used to text and call all the time, and suddenly you don’t have time for them anymore, and its your fault. When in fact they don’t even bother to get in touch with you.

Its that time that friends become clients and clients become friends and I love it. I just have no clear definition anymore.

I used to have a best friend (I used to have a couple) people I could run and tell everything to. And now? I have “good friends” I don’t know if its my age (i'm getting old now i'm 27) or the fact that people just grow up and move on. Grow apart and then you can suddenly just count your close friends on one hand.

Theres people I miss. I miss a lot. Mainly due to difference of opinions, or them not realising that running a business is hard. It takes a lot of time. And we don’t have the free time we used to have.

When I used to work a 9-5 (seriously how many jobs are even 9-5 anymore?) I used to have extra disposable income, I used to spend evenings with friends, I used to try and do things on a weekend. But my friends were single. I was single, they had no kids. We all have to grow change and adapt.

I look at the way I use social media. Im so sociable with my clients. And try and be with friends. They’re all on face book, twitter, blog etc. And yet I’m reduced to finding out abut their lives through this media, because I hardly see them. I miss them. I don’t hardly have any phone contact with them.

Its sad. Sad because whilst my life is going in one direction. I’m moving in with my boyfriend. I’m happy. The business is growing. Friends are getting married, having babies and suddenly everyone has different priorities and experiences. And I feel that Im missing out on A LOT. I try and make time but our calenders never are right.

The reasons I’m so lovely, are through several reasons if I listen to some not-so-close friends.

1. The Boyfriend.
Having a boyfriend instantly means inaccessible to my friends. It means that they don’t get in touch with me as much anymore as they instantly think that I’ll be too busy seeing the boyfriend. In fact I see James 2-3 hours (sometimes less) per night. I get to his. I wake him up. I cook tea. We watch TV. He showers, makes his lunch and I take him to work. He works nights. Permenantly. I don’t get to see him any other time and when I am doing Full Day Weddings, it also means I don’t get to see him. AT ALL. As he doesn’t drive, if I don’t see him and he has to catch the bus to work, he has a quick bus, that runs on the hour and takes 20 minutes, and he has the slow bus that takes 45minutes to get him to work and comes at half past. If he is working at 10pm, he has to be on the 9pm bus.

2. I know how busy you are.
I love this excuse “but I know how busy you are so that is why I don’t email/text/call” I mean seriously. Im not that busy not to answer a message. Or reply to an email. Or ring you back. I have some people (work related) that call me 3-4 times a DAY and I always answer their calls. If I don’t get I will leave a message and try and call again. If you don’t try and call me. How the HELL am I even meant to speak with you?

3. But I put it on face book!
This is another one of my favourite things. Especially when I find out something that I didn’t know. And they reply “but I put it on face book” or alternatively “did you not see it on face book” or “but you’re always on face book I thought you had seen it” Facebook, like now, is on in the background of my computer whilst I write this. I do not have any sound on the computer, as I very rarely do, and I am not looking. I have about 1500+ “friends” on face book I use it a lot for business. I don’t see every status that someone puts. If its that important, tell me in person. If you want me to know, ring me. Text me. Email me!


I mean I know its not just their fault. Ive stopped trying with people who’ve made no effort to maintain and build a relationship with me. Simple things like a text once a month, an email or even writing on my face book wall.

Someone once told me that I had become a lot more ruthless since running a business. Its not that at all I just wont take as much crap as I used to do. I refuse to be walked over. Whether its expressing an opinion or removing friends from my life. (Wouldn’t it be easy if we could delete people in life like we do on face book) The friends that were all take take take ive removed from my life. I got sick of dropping everything for them. Because I did. I am, was, very much a friend orientated person….however I learnt what people can be like, that some people are selfish, and some people just want you for what you do, or who you know, and nothing other than that.

James has a close set of friends that he’s had throughout his life. I hardly do.

My set of friends are as follows:
Amy, Leonie, Lianne, Ryan and Tracey. Those are my close friends. And Ryan is the only one I see with any regularity. And Leonie I've known from School, but only got friends with her properly in College. Around the same time I met Tracey and Ryan. Then Amy came next then Lianne.

It then leads to Michelle, Catriona, Laura, Kellie, Paul… The other closer friends whom I speak with regularly, but not regular enough. Most don’t live local at all.

And then the rest of friends, which are clients that have turned into friends, or friends which have turned into clients. And people from Photography. Which I can name Hannah, Dawn and Maria who I now class as friends rather than just photography friends.

Its just hard. Soon I’m going to be running a business. Running a house. Keeping my relationship strong with James as dynamics are going to change and then try and keep friendships going.

And its so lonely…where have my friends gone?